When all you want for Christmas is a baby

How to mind yourself during the festive period

Christmas and fertility struggles are the perfect storm

Christmas is supposed to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ but when you are TTC, it can be a painful reminder of what you want but don’t yet have

The festive season can be tinged with emotions like sadness, stress, uncertainty, the feeling of time is passing, another year has gone by and I’m still not pregnant

I know how this feels (read my story)

I have shared some coping strategies below to help you get through the festive season but above all, remember to be kind to yourself.  You are allowed to feel the way you feel; sadness, guilt, grief, anger.  Every emotion is valid.

            Saying ‘No’ is Self Care

Yes, you heard me. Think of yourself this Christmas and do what you want to do.

It is 100% okay to say no to social events if you don’t feel up to it.  I know you might worry that you are letting people down and people might be upset but you need to look after yourself.  Give yourself permission to politely decline. A simple “I’m not up for it today” or “Thanks, but I’ll pass this time” is perfectly acceptable. Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your mental health, especially when TTC. It’s okay to be selective about where and with whom you spend your energy.

Understand your feelings. 

 Know what might trigger you and know what events you’d feel comfortable with over Christmas.  Emotions are simply energy in motion and can be triggered by many things.  When you are TTC this can include: spending time with pregnant family members, friends, being asked about your daily plans, seeing Christmas themed adverts about family, seeing families going to the panto.  

Set healthy boundaries

Before you head out for any Christmas events, think about how you would like to respond to any potentially difficult questions during the day.  Think about what you are willing to talk about and what’s non-negotiable.

Take a social media break

The festive season is a peak time for social media posts celebrating family moments, children’s Christmas outfits, and pregnancy announcements. When you are TTC, they can be hard to scroll through.  Consider taking a break from social media.

Unplugging, even for a few days, will give you a break from the constant reminders and comparisons. It is a form of self-care that can help to protect your emotional well-being.

You can come back whenever you’re ready; the photos and updates will still be there. For now, give yourself permission to guard your heart and focus on what brings you peace.

And finally, Let your hair down!

If you are TTC, you’ve most likely put your life on hold for too long now.  TTC can be a long, heartbreaking journey so for the next few days, let yourself go and have fun in whatever way you want to.  Laugh with friends, have a few drinks, go for a Christmas swim, eat the chocolate/mince pies/Celebrations/cheese board! This will not stop you from getting pregnant or derail your journey but it will make you feel like you again. Give yourself that gift this Christmas

If you would like further support, the National Infertility support and information group (https://nisig.com) provides a helpline daily 10am to 10pm as well as a live chat service and support meetings. 

How can I help?

I know how it feels to dread Christmas when you are TTC.  Read my blog about my experience here. 

I also offer free support calls where we can chat about where you are in your fertility journey and how I can support you.  Book one here